We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
