The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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