My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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