this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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