Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
