he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
