ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
