..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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