Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
