My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
