my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You brought string cheese to the strip club
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
