She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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