I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize