carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
