somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
