i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
