"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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