I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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