I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
