I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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