O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
