I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
