Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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