I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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