I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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