You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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