Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
