i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
