apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
