Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
