ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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