I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
