I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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