It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
