Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
