I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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