Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
