Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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