yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
