I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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