he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
