And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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