I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am midnight drunk by noon
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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