I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
