Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
