I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dicks are not precious.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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