It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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