how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
