doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
