I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
time to smoke my breakfast
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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