She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
