Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
