u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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