Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
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Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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