Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
