broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
