Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
