two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
