i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
