can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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