i think my tv is drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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