i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
