you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
