He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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