Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
