you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
