I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
