Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
