so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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