help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
