Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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