A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
