i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
