thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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