No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
